New Apartment

I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be in our own place again. I love it. Unpacking is no fun but it's actually going rather smoothly and it looks like *fingers crossed* everything will fit. Now, I did a mock budget a couple months ago to see what we could afford and our max would have been 900. I even factored in groceries, going out and some free spending. It sounded so promising. Well rent is 850ish which should work. And I think it still will. Just right now it is so FRUSTRATING. Still paying utilities on the house and since we moved early we have to double up on bills (getting out of there was SO worth it though). There are a few bills that will have to be a couple weeks late. :( I don't like that at all. I hate being late with my bills. But I can say we are officially those people. The people that can't go out and do anything because we are flat broke. I'm HOPING it gets better around February/March and we can even out but with Jesse's store closing end of January and not being perfectly sure what he's getting for work after that, it's scary. I've had the mantra (mainly for my husband so he doesn't freak out on me) "we'll be fine... we'll be okay..." for the last couple months when it's been a little hard and we cut it that close. And I make myself believe it too. The problem is, the way we're going, we're not okay. We barely make it every month because we have little or no self control. Maybe this is the wake up call. Maybe it's time for me to stop thinking we'll be fine because we always are. Even if we barely make it, we still make it. Well this month we won't make it. And that's hard for me. Hard for me to wrap my head around, hard for me to cope with. I don't want us to be the people that can't pay bills and simply have to decide what bills are the most important every month. I'm trying really hard not to break down right now. There are so many little things that I'm just waiting for to happen so we can climb out of this. I would like to buy groceries next month. It's just the waiting game now. I'm doing the best that I can and taking it day by day. Hoping that this will be over soon. I'm going to focus this next month on unpacking and getting our apartment in order. And remembering that this too shall pass...

We'll be fine.